Mindshift

I spent a lot of time leaning against the railing of the balcony in my captain’s quarters staring out at my newly commissioned Negligee III and pondering my new undertaking (50 kills in Feb). Maybe if I had done that less, and did the logistics it wouldn’t have come to this.

Scanning the mail for the dozenth time. Reading and analyzing the requirements and demands. The price of admission is high, but not wholly unexpected. I can swallow turning over Automaton’s API key without much effort (she hasn’t raised an objection at least). But giving up my API key? There are a lot of private communications and dealings that shouldn’t be exposed. The idea of culling my mail and losing those records in order to keep them private is upsetting. More than a little, but again expected.

How did I get to this point? It was a fairly simple question “how do you intend to achieve these 50 kills?” An obvious question and yet I wasn’t expecting it. I had given no thought on how to actually accomplish my self imposed task. Die’s question was a genuine one and was accompanied with his initial offer to participate in my schemes. Automaton’s silence mocked my lack of forethought and planning. Her support was timid and begrudgingly given.

I wasted the precious weeks of January. I hadn’t scouted new targets. I hadn’t primed the intel streams. I hadn’t even filed the paperwork with Concord for new war declarations. It would be mid February before things would be ready, and the wardec gamble is just that. Fifty kills with that method? Well it has happened, but I’ve only had that kind of payout from it once and it certainly didn’t happen with zero preparation. A more realistic appraisal for business as usual would be a dozen skirmishes with a half dozen kills.

How serious am I about the arbitrary 50? Pretty serious it seems, as I sit here staring at my application. Target corps often ignore wardecs from the bigger merc groups with a simple warning of “stay out of the trade hubs.” However, when SRE B decs them, they send out detailed warnings with our pilot names and ship types, ordering their people to avoid us. Because they know from our kill board we will show up in their home system. The validity of those strategies isn’t really the point, but that they seem to be the default playbook for most groups. Therefore a merc alliance, or rather their kill board and reputation (even if undeserved) for trade hub camping, could act as a cover. But SRE B’s activity and size means she isn’t an attractive acquisition for an alliance.

My colleagues, my brothers and sisters, aren’t so ready to join me this time. They would return to pod life for SRE B glory, but to fly under another’s banner? Under another’s rules and assimilate another’s culture? I can’t blame them for sitting this one out. Yet, one month to check out how the other side lives seems like a thing worth doing. Spectre’s quip of living vicariously through me leaves a lingering smile on my face. I’ll return to SRE B one day, and be welcomed back as if I never left. There is a strength that comes from that.

Truthfully I often share in preconceived perceptions of these mercs with little to no personal knowledge to justify such judgments. Even cultivating that I was somehow a different breed, a better one at that. Trade hub camping or not pulling in 5k kills a month with a 95+% efficiency ratting is a worthy accomplishment SRE B has never dreamed to aspire too. I don’t think that speaks bad of SRE B, just highlights the difference in scale and objectives. After all we accomplished things in SRE B that large merc alliance aren’t able to (or at least don’t get to).

Anyway, that is how I got to this point. This is how I rationalized away my reservations. This is thought process that lead to surrendering my API key (and Automaton’s) and agreeing to follow the beat of someone else’s drum. I mean Feburary is a short month anyhow. This act alone isn’t an act of surrendering my ideals and identity, but I do feel the need to be vigilant against such a thing.

What will one month as a Marmite be like?